Truth is...

I haven't blogged very often lately. Last year at this time, I was pregnant and had been puking my guts out for two months. I had been taking zofran, which helped with the puking, but left me with nasty headaches and, truth be told, horrible constipation and I still felt nauseous most of the time. Our sweet Margaret Anne came 6 weeks early the week before Thanksgiving and proved worthy of the sickness, but to say that the pregnancy was not enjoyable is an understatement. I had planned to blog about the curriculum that we were going to be using for that school year, just to share what has been working for us and what we were going to try that was new, but I never got any further than a draft which said, "Here's a look at what we'll be doing this year:" Inspiring, isn't it? ;) Since Maggie's birth, I have posted little more than stats and milestones that she's accomplished because those don't take much thought. That's the thing, I want to write a blog that will encourage and inspire. I want to share something that will help someone else along the way, but I don't have time right now, in this stage to edit. Heck, I barely have time to sit down and type. I'll throw something up on Facebook, but it's not at all the same. I miss blogging. I miss the outlet that it gives me. I used to be faithful about journaling, or at least writing down some anecdotes about the kids here, but that hasn't happened so much lately either. Here's the truth, I love my kids SO much and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but this mom gig is tough. It's time consuming, it's me-consuming, and it's easy to get bogged down with guilt at every turn. Here's a sample of some of my guilt:
~He watches too much t.v.
~They need more vegetables
~He doesn't get to play outside as much as them
~She gets drug along everywhere
~She doesn't eat much variety
~I don't read to them as much as I want to
and the list could go on and on, those are just the ones that came rushing out first. I'm sure you can relate.I am hoping to blog more often. About the simple silly things and about the deeper things that I am pondering from time to time as well.

This past spring, I was completely overwhelmed with life. I felt as if I were failing on so many fronts--as a wife, mother, homeschool teacher, friend, etc.--and I thought about blogging about the pressures that were weighing me down, but in the end it seemed to raw and I didn't have the time to really sort through all the thoughts that I was considering posting. We were thinking of putting the older kids in school this coming fall, but in the end we decided not to for now. We'll keep praying and taking this journey one step at a time.

This summer, my husband and I had the privilege of being able to get away for a week without the kids. It was tough to leave them for so long, but when given the chance to take a free Mediterranean cruise, you take it! I think that break from reality was good for me in many ways. Clearly, it was refreshing for my husband and I to be able to spend time together and reconnect. Also, it was so good for me to realize how much joy my chaotic life brings me. I missed the crazy that is our norm. To top it off, the week before the cruise my cousin's husband died suddenly. This past weekend, my husband's grandfather passed away. Between the time away and the deaths, there has been a lot of reflection. I am thankful for the craziness that is our four kiddos and our family. And just so we're clear, it hasn't been all rainbows and kittens since I got back, here's a little more truth:
~My girl has refused to take a morning nap the past three days, choosing instead to cry her head off, then only nap for an hour in the afternoon before waking up stinky.
~Our 2 year old has decided that time outs aren't a big deal and has been showing us just how stubborn he can be. (My husband likes the quote, "Beatings will continue until morale improves")
~The 5 year old is the fairness police and likes to inform us of any decision made that is not, in his perfect estimation, fair.
~The 7 year old, in his rush to set the table, broke a glass and the pieces went a million different directions with three of us standing in the middle of it barefoot--of course!
I'm sure I could go on, but the truth is this life is unpredictable and challenging. And sometimes I let that truth overshadow the most important truths:
God is good
God loves me
God promises to never leave me or forsake me
He doesn't promise that it will be easy--in fact, there's much talk in the Bible about the trials and tribulations, they shouldn't shock us. But when they come our way, whether in some shocking form-a sudden death or illness or accident-or in the trials of this day to day life that can be overwhelming in their own right, we can trust that He is there with us and will be our strength and our shield. I need to cling to Him and His strength because I am weak and He is strong. Just like Will sings to us:

That's a simple truth I need to remind myself of often.